Allowing myself to rest didn’t exactly help me learn and grow, but it had to be a conscious decision that I had to come to because I had already learned the hard way that I wasn’t doing anybody any favors by sacrificing my physical and mental health just to be on top of things.
Rest, especially in the form of adequate sleep, helped me cope better, which, in turn, gave me more opportunities to grow and thrive.
Respite for Au-some Parents
If you’ve been here before, you probably already know that I have children on the autism spectrum. It’s easier now that they’re 11 and 14, although the PTSD is very real. It will always pay to be hyper-alert, or a disaster (of varying gravity potential) is almost always guaranteed.
It also helps that I have better support now. People who were floundering before with the reality of special needs have a better grasp of what I go through and have more sympathy. This means that they’re also more inclined to agree that I need respite.
Rest Deserved
Nonetheless, people are fickle, and I can’t always rely on their understanding and generosity to score some quality rest. I’ve had to be conscious and deliberate about getting myself that much-needed sleep and downtime. We always say that we have to advocate for ourselves. That’s one way I’m doing that, and it netted better results than prioritizing everybody else’s needs and depriving myself of my own. Rest not only recharges; it also equips to effect improvement.
Rest Isn’t for Later
Even before children, my inclination had always been to delay rest. I literally couldn’t rest until a task was done, and that was to my own detriment. I remember taking the UPCAT. It was hours long, and we were encouraged to snack to sustain ourselves. I, of course, couldn’t think of being distracted from the exam in any way and chose not to eat anything except for a couple of Halls honey lemon drops.
Afterwards, when I met my family outside my exam building, I was pale and ready to collapse from hunger. Thankfully, I did pass the test despite that foolish choice to deny myself sustenance.
I was young with a dumb inclination and a delusion of indestructibility, but I suppose it’s quite common for people to feel they have to earn rest, that it’s best delayed until after all the to-do items have been checked. For many, taking a break feels uneasy, like courting failure.
A Need for Rest
It’s easy to get the wrong notion that rest is an indulgence and not a necessity, so it’s okay to opt out rather than feel the need to justify it lest we be accused of laziness. Many of us operate with busyness as our default, measuring our value by how much we grind and how little we pause. Unfortunately, we do learn sooner or later that this way is imprudent and not at all sustainable.
Before we reach burnout, that teachable moment that finally registers, we can be more mindful of our stress levels and acknowledge that our entire person is craving care and a halt to the relentless urge to perform and accomplish.
No Apology for Rest
Pausing from an ongoing task is often accompanied by guilt, but resting isn’t a transgression, and it doesn’t need rationalization or permission. Still, this mindset needs time to settle, with a conscious effort of brain reconditioning. It may start with curbing defensiveness, quelling the instinct to point out that the break is deserved. Gradually, we can learn to pause as a matter of course.
Rest for Power
While resting does fulfill a need, it can also be harnessed to make things better. We shun pausing and breaking momentum, but these breaks can be intentionally used to empower life. During breaks, we may:
- Evaluate time to protect it for better use.
- Test unfamiliar waters.
- Quiet negative, intrusive thoughts.
- Figure out a purpose and be intentional in pursuing it.
- Identify and reassess values and passions.
- Check perspective for more efficient reconnaisance.
- Break unhealthy and unproductive habits.
- Pick apart stressors and neutralize them.
- Boost creativity and accelerate productivity.
- Resolve hurt and release other emotions.
- Resist overthinking.
- Notice blessings.
Final Thoughts
You know, it’s still hard. The special challenges of being an autism parent don’t ever go away. Getting sleep and self-care when I need them still requires some scrounging around. Save for a miracle happening, this will never come easily or automatically for me the same way it eventually does for other mothers.
Recognizing that I deserve rest, too, despite my situation, is an important first step. Removing the guilt from the equation definitely allowed me to go after this obvious necessity and ensure that I do get it with regularity.
Is powering through difficult tasks and situations your default response? Do you think it’s selfish to give yourself a break? Well, be kinder to yourself. Everybody will certainly be better off for it.
This Small Life 